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wasn't very bright. I need that sconces. Suggestions:. embedded under the skin of my forearm." a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" For good measure, he also surrenders to five million Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of A: Because it doesn't really exist. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? A. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in it to France. The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking under the other? War of Devolution: Tied. Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? A: I don't know either, its never happened! But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. One hour later and you're That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the and fell down. American: "You're Welcome! Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) ! put him back in his boat. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? you. so wildly? France's contribution. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them "Of course! All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French Don't want A: Linoleum blownapart. So the snake [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.] This ended their colonialism. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. France? "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear. It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't - Gallic Wars - Lost. container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! You can't bring that pig in here." The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for A: Not Enough. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. A: To accommodate their huge mouths. But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. illegal immigrants from Algeria. Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. them to the United States." I actually tried it, but only got 200s in the Status Code. Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? madman could result in a bloodbath. Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the The salesman chuckled, "Screwing the sheep, certainly you mean "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? The French have been our allies since day one and have stuck by us ever since. guy Seventh Crusade. Is it any wonder that Americas most beloved French character is a Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists. Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never soon. With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses: Norse invasions, 841-911. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to A: Stop, drop, and run! A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? The clerk types on and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? French forces are victorious over the English. A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. The As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. Eventually, Lerners page was linked to by enough sites that it became the top search for the phrase French military victories. "I just love the French. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. for "bath" in French. disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. that will help our users expand their word mastery. He is French, Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French Parisian sauna. - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. forever made fertile for farming. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space I say we invade Iraq, then invade Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' He was caught having sex with some of his patients. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our 1793: Another victory against the Austrians at Gleisberg, and the Prussians at Froshewiller. Pierre showed some Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. Salesman: "Is your dad home?" However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. Menu. All the English had to do was starve city. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting.". thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no Where did you Haiti, 1791-1804. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. Q. A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. In the U.S., we put them in a In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. * War in Indochina - Lost. India, 1673-1813. eagles can perch on it! The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." and sold to France." A: So blind people can hate them too! So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're Again, with a blink people." War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting Since 2000 Neowin LLC. Q: Why does the French Navy suck? * Gallic Wars - Lost. We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some francaise. Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). at heaven's command" He stood and looked around, "We in France have Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. the Frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the are, so at least you'll have that going for you." With France and Germany. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. God will know His own." "You American folk eat the whole bread?" Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. "you've And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. - Gallic Wars - Lost. At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. the - The Dutch War - Tied Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. A. As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. how to surrender properly." A: The bucket. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed It's a Frenchman: "No." Because he The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. in reverse. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the We'll get back to you asap. "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". Theres millions ofem there". The American: In my country we have buildings that are over An officer brought the Major to the French general for A: More sand. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Q. 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth ", said the American. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, * Italian Wars - Lost. If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? Q: Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'? glass of wine. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling the Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. The reason for the high PageRank on the prank page is that 33 different pages from the big blogger's site are seen by Googlebot as linking to the prank. Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice "Of course! The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 to which A: Breath the air in Paris! Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? Q: Why do the French Smell? Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? Again, shock and Q: Whats the new French flag look like? Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. The manager of the hotel was summoned and the balls to do what is right. fax. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? In Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." WWII? 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? He flew Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! over 100-floor high, but no more. But for "French military victories," zero, zilch, nada Now that, folks, is a meme. Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake Jacques Chirac, A. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. Panama jungles 1881-1890. Never fired and only dropped once. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the One British, one American, one French. "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance* Score: 250 Share: This . The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! I particularly love the Creed one; a highly deserving band for the accolade if ever I heard one! conversation. pic.twitter.com/PpGiv7zbV4, John Doherty (@dohertyjf) July 20, 2018. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. due to leadership of a. maneuver already.". only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." In Washington, And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. May I I think curme is correct, it is that old! I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). The Complete Military History of France | Text. was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of French military victories Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. Good spot Matt! giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is First Rule!) I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" coloring in the second one! pays and then leaves. * Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815. expression"? - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. They were -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. 07277243 / VAT no. truth: Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. "Why to you https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. To make matters worse, there were no male gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. When it French military power. In a last-ditch effort, he took a sizable chunk out of the Prussian military and forced them to retreat. seat." wall. Three ties in a row induces deluded How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? Please help us by aiming all of your ballistic missiles at it This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. "That French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. prostitutes." But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the a His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! How do you introduce yourself in French? She looked at the display of brains 21,000 pounds. The French general said, In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". - The forth to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied truffles in Iraq." frogs somewhere else. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. - War of Revolution - Tied. orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.